When “I’m Sorry” Never Came: How Unapologetic Parenting Impacts Us as Adults

If you grew up with a parent who rarely—if ever—apologized, you’re not alone. Many of my clients come into therapy feeling confused by the way they overreact, shut down, or freeze in conflict. Often, it traces back to a home where making mistakes wasn’t acknowledged, much less repaired.

When a caregiver refuses to apologize, it sends an implicit message: vulnerability is unsafe, accountability is weakness, and connection isn’t worth the discomfort of saying “I’m sorry.” As children, we internalize that. Instead of learning that relationships can survive missteps, we learn to either blame ourselves or avoid conflict altogether.

This dynamic often follows us into adulthood. Maybe you struggle to say “I’m sorry” to your partner or your kids—not because you don’t want to, but because it feels like a threat to your sense of self. Or maybe you over-apologize, trying to keep the peace because that’s how you survived emotionally growing up. Either way, a parent who couldn’t say sorry can leave us without a healthy script for repair.

As a trauma- and attachment-centered therapist, I want you to know this isn’t about blaming our parents—it’s about breaking cycles. When we’re able to identify the missing pieces in our early relationships, we gain the power to do things differently. That might look like learning how to sit in discomfort after a rupture, practicing self-compassion, or finally allowing ourselves to expect accountability from others.

If you're a parent now, you might be terrified of repeating the past. The good news? Your awareness is already a huge step toward change. Apologizing to your child—even if your own parents never did—can be a profound act of healing for both of you.

Therapy offers a safe space to unpack this kind of generational baggage and start writing a new story. You don’t have to keep carrying the weight of unspoken words and unresolved hurts.

You can be the one who says, “I’m sorry.” And you can mean it.

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Interested in learning how your attachment history may be shaping your current relationships? Let’s talk.